Momfever.

Writing about everything under the sun

Saturday, September 27, 2014

Getting acquainted

biological pigs
Hi, we're Bert, Barry and Brian!
My cousin Hank is a butcher by trade. He's got his own pen. Usually he's got about three pigs in there, having a great life.

And when they're nice and fat, my cousin Hank takes them on a trip, and butchers them. And then the whole family eats them. And I tell my self that's quite okay. Because they enjoyed life.

I've always liked knowing who, and what I've got on my plate.

But this morning I got a surprising email!

Hello,
We would like to take this opportunity to introduce ourselves. We are the future inhabitants of your freezer and belly. For the moment we're staying at Maple Lane. We would appreciate it if you dropped by.
kind regards, 
Bert, Barry and Brian 
Hmm, I'm not sure if I'll be able to enjoy my porc chops now. Obviously you cán get too personal with your meal.

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Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Sunday, September 21, 2014

An indecent proposal


Tomorrow is my husband's and mine 21st wedding anniversary! I can't believe it's been 21 years since we tied the knot, and started our journey through the muddy seas of holy matrimony.

I figured I should get my husband something, to celebrate this milestone. But what?! He's already got all the Star Trek dvd boxes ánd the Deep Space Nine series.

Whát would he really like?

Then suddenly I knew the answer! It was obvious really.

I was going to make him an indecent proposal!

Because after 21 years of marriage, and 5 kids, I often play dead in the bedroom. But, since marriage is all about compromise we've come to an agreement about a monthly quota. However I know he wouldn't mind going óver the quota.

So I waited in my little office until he walked by. And when he did, I quickly whispered: 'Psssst! Come on in here for a minute,' and I looked around furtively to make sure there were no kids within earshot.

My husband looked a bit alarmed, by my furtive looks. Yet hopeful.

'How would you like to do the horizontal mambo tonight. It'll be my wedding present to you!' I whispered.

It took a moment to sink in, but then he looked quite pleased. Only then he asked: 'Will it be in addition to my monthly quota?'

'No, of course not!' I said, because I really dó like my rest.

And then I added: 'That can be your present to mé!'

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