Now that my eldest daughter has turned not-so-sweet sixteen, she has taken it upon herself to educate me on my looks. After careful study of my dressing habits, she presented me with her conclusion, and it was nót favorable.
According to her I look like a Mom.
So I asked her: 'What is it that gives me away, and makes me look like the mom that I am?'
Unfortunately, she could not specify what I did wrong, but she was kind enough to tell me that my overall look was 'sloppy', 'messy' and 'generally disheveled'.
So I have taken it upon myself to create a list with 7 Ways To Avoid Looking Like A Mom. I'm convinced this list will be the next big thing on the internet! Here it comes!
7 Ways To Avoid Looking Like A Mom
- Get a 'real' hairdo. You know, the kind where the hairdresser's actually cuts your hair into a certain shape. So none of those 'easy' short cuts! Nor can you get away with long hair gathered up into a messy knot. The key to a successfull I'm Not a Mom Hairdo is 'a lot of work'!
- Take a critical look at your coat: does it have a hood? And is it made out of practical Goretex, keeping wind and rain out, and you comfortable warm? Get rid of it! Your coat screams: 'I'm a mommy!' Invest heavily into a short jacket with cleavage, allowing icy winds to give you a pneumonia.
- Wear heels! No more Uggs, Birkenstocks and flat shoes for you. In fact you should ban all shoes that are comfortable, to be on the safe side.
- Beware of the Mom Jeans! You can recognize this model by the high waist, and tapered legs. it will make your buns look three times as big.
- Wear the latest fashion styles. Avoid all comfortable clothes. Comfort should no longer be a consideration when buying clothing.
- Wear big, dangly earrings, the kind that invite toddlers to grab and pull.
- Train yourself to become insensitive to the cry of 'Mommy!' So when you're out, walking on the street, in your high heels, fancy hairdo, and uncomfortable clothing, and some kid you don't know shouts: 'Mommy!' do not freeze in your tracks! And above all, do nót shout: 'Mommy is coming honey!'
After reading my own list, it kind of makes sense why my daughter thinks I look like a mom.
I'm afraid that I'm beyond saving, but it may not be too late for you!