The path of motherhood is filled with landmines and pitfalls. Sometimes you need an expert to help you find your way. So when experts diagnosed my eldest son John with PDD-NOS, I decided another expert was in order to offer both John ánd me some guidance. So there we were, me sitting cringing in my chair, listening to my son’s monosyllabic answers to the expert’s questions.
‘How are you doing John?’
‘How do you mean ‘alright?’
‘Well John, obviousely I am not a clairvoyant, so you have to help me out here. How do you feel about that?’
‘Why do you say: ‘alright?’
I felt like kicking my son, and hissing: ‘Come on! Try harder!’
But then suddenly the expert turned to me, and asked: ‘Why are you being so hard on yourself?’
Immediately I felt the prickling of tears. Because it’s true: I’m being bullied by myself all the time!
‘Gee, is it hot in here?’ I thought, and searched frantically for a suitable answer. But in the end I got no further than: ‘Because.’
And with new understanding I looked at my son.
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