I don't believe in quality time

November 10, 2018
quaility time

Last year my youngest daughter (19) went to live in China for 6 months. Now she's home again. She studies English at Utrecht University. To save money she lives at home. Students can travel for free, so it's a great way to avoid racking up the student debts.

Anyway, she had 3 weeks vacation in October! So I thought it would be nice to go shopping. And have some coffee and lunch.

I don't believe in quality time


I don't really believe in quality time. But I do believe in spending time together. I believe in being there. You can't compensate for not being there with so called quality time. Although I can totally understand why this is a popular way of looking at things. Because of the feeling of cognitive dissonance.

Cognitive dissonance


Cognitive dissonance is the unpleasant feeling you get when the way you do things doesn't quite measure up to how you thínk you should do things. Or how things should be.

For example, if you don't feel good about having to leave your baby in daycare, you may experience cognitive dissonance. To make this unpleasant sensation go away you tell yourself it's okay. You tell yourself you'll spend some quality time with here later on, and that will make up for it.

This may help ease the cognitive dissonance.

However for me, the idea of quality time is just a stop gap. I don't believe in quality time. I believe in being there.

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